Originally posted June 1, 2006:
I am finding that this adoption thing is not as easy I had told myself it was.
In the last 24 hours, I have had 2 difficult conversations.
The first one being with J. To be honest...it wasn't a difficult conversation, as much as it was difficult for me to hear. I have been reading on adoptive mothers blogs how difficult it is to hear the birth mom say "my daughter". So I brought it up to J. I wasn't quiet ready to hear what she had to say. But I understood it. J did tell me that it is difficult to hear me call Baby M "my daughter" (but she is) and I understand it (though it hurts). She said that it tears at her heart a little bit. I understand, because it tears at mine when I hear her say it. I guess now I see that there is pain on both sides of this...
The second being with E (Baby M's birthfather). J told me in passing that E was going to see Baby M with his extended family next Thursday. I told J that I would probably talk to E about that because I felt that it may not be quiet right. I fretted about it all night, how to approach this. E is the type of man that does not like to be told what to do or how to do things, nor does he like when he thinks I am trying to "tell" him what to do.
I broached the subject carefully, feeling my way. I was on cracking ice and I knew it. The conversation started rocky, but ended really well. He got defensive that I was trying to tell him what to do and that he could do whatever he liked, I gently reminded him that we could loose our privileges to see Baby M at any time and to just tread very very lightly. To just take my advice for what it was worth...not from an ex-wife, but from a friend and as some one who is walking this same journey with him.
B and J are incredible reasonable people...but they have a daughter to protect. I love them for that. I don't blame them and I just want to make sure that neither of us loose our privileges because we forget that Baby M is someone else's child now.