Monday, June 11, 2007

No way, Jose - Adoption Journey - Part 3

Originally posted June 14, 2006:

I left off Part Two with E passing out at the ultrasound and with him finally believing that I was in fact pregnant.

I went to a prenatal appointment in late May and after the appointment I went to visit my good friend Lisa. While we were talking about the fact that E was still pushing me to terminate (even though I was well into my second trimester), she was asking me what I was going to do. I just sat looking at her, thinking.

That's when I knew. I heard a voice, loud and clear in my head say "adoption". Lisa said that my eyes got wide and bright. I told her what I heard and she thought it was a fantastic idea, if I could handle it. I called my Pastor and a mentor to get their thoughts on the idea of placing Baby for adoption.

My pastor was very supportive and thought it was a fantastic idea and that God gave me the idea. I also knew that if I asked for it God would give me the strength to be able to give Baby to a couple that needed her....because she was the miracle baby for me and she will be the miracle baby for someone else.

E and I discussed the option and we decided together it was the best thing to do. We had at this point decided to separate and get divorced once our lease was up in August. I wasn't able to stay in a marriage where I was being told to terminate the only child that was fighting for her life and hadn't left my body.

I had started to suspect that E was cheating on me. I never had proof and it was sort of an inkling in the back of my mind. Little things started tipping me off. He used to leave his cell phone lying around all the time and now it was always in his pocket. He was taking our dog out more and would offer to run places all the time (which he had never done in the past).

One Tuesday in early June he had left his cell phone lying on the counter. I opened it and found a girls name that I had never seen before. I set it back down and tried to get my mind around the fact that there was another girls name in my husbands cell phone. I asked him about it casually. He said that it was a friend from high school. problem.

He left for band practice for the evening and I broke into his yahoo email account. I found 187 emails detailing the relationship that had started in FEBRUARY of 2004, it was now JUNE of 2004. He is cheating on his pregnant wife and telling her to terminate because he is cheating.

Seeing all of the details of their relationship in black and white made me physically ill.

**Stay Tuned**

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