Originally posted May 25, 2006:
Okay, so I have learned some things this week (I am a fast study) and one of them is that I am directing my anger over the adoption at the wrong people. I am directing at B and J, it doesn't belong there. What did they do besides adopt a child and take a woman in to their hearts and homes? Nothing.
B and J didn't create this situation. They didn't demand my child. They have never treated me poorly. They have been nothing but supportive and not just about Baby M, about every aspect of my life.
This is new to all of us and I need to stop forgetting that. I need to realize that they if they don't or didn't do something it wasn't intentional.
I tend to place blame on others, because it is just easier. Its easier to blame other people for my pain, than it is to accept it. I am finally accepting it. I am finally embracing the pain and dissipating the anger...letting the anger go and letting the hurt seep in.
My vision is no longer clouded with anger and hopefully I wont lash out needlessly again (but I cant promise that I wont).
Please accept this as my apology for bad behavior, B and J. (I know your out there...)