Monday, June 11, 2007

You want me to do WHAT??? Adoption Journey - Part 2

I left off Part 1 at E telling me that he wanted to have kids but not with me.

That was not the only thing he told me. He told me that he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy and he was quite admant about it. Very vocal. Very demanding. He even went as far as to get his family on board to try to convince me to terminate...which didnt work and only made me more want to keep Baby more.

At this point, we were having trouble in our relationship, but we really hadnt spoken about divorce yet. We knew that something had to give or we were going to be in trouble. Never did we think that a baby would "fix" things. Being pregnant was very much a suprise...but for me an abortion was not possible at this stage of my life.

On May 11th, 2004 I went to the dr for bloodwork. My progestrone (that is the horomone that sustains pregnancy) level was should have been over 25. Things were not looking good and a miscarriage was almost assured. I was already heartbroken, because in my heart I knew a miscarriage was extermly possible and likely (I had never sustained a pregnancy past 8 weeks). So, I just kept waiting for the shoe to fall...I kept waiting for her to go to God.

The following Tuesday, I went for an ultrasound. E met me at the appointment, but did not go into the ultrasound. At the ultrasound, Baby had a heartbeat. The progestrone level was so low that Dr. E gave me a supplement and actually scheduled me for both an ultrasound and a D&C the following week (Baby surely wasnt going to make it).

I went to the ultrasound the following Tuesday and baby had double in size. Dr. E kept me on weekly ultrasounds for 2 more weeks just to make sure that Baby was progressing. Each ultrasound she was growing, happy and healthy.

At my last weekly ultrasound at 11 weeks, E wanted to go with me and actually come into the ultrasound. At this point he did not truly believe I was pregnant nor did he believe that if I was truly pregnant that Baby was actually sustaining. When Baby popped up onto the ultrasound screen, she was squirming around and you could clearly see her arms and legs. I looked over at E, who was standing next to me to see his reaction...he passed out. Now, he believed me. He couldnt believe it was real until that point.

He was so angry at me after that ultrasound. I truly believe that he wanted me to be lying. He pressed me even harder to terminate the pregnancy. Which, at this point was not an option (it was NEVER an option for me).

I am now in my second trimester and decisions need to be made....

To be continued...

**J and B anything to add at this point....**

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