Originally Posted February 22, 2006:
Lately I have been really negative...so instead of continuing with negative thoughts and crap. I thought I would share about my relationship with Baby M's (adoptive) Parents. For their continued privacy, they will be called B (dad) & J (mom).
I was early in my pregnancy, about 8 weeks, that I made the decision to give Baby M up for adoption. I shouldn't say I, because my ex-husband (E) and I, did mutually agree...but in the beginning it was my decision to make, as it was my body that was going to have to endure this for the next 9 months.
E wanted me to terminate the pregnancy and at 28, I just couldn't. I couldn't find it in me to terminate this little life that was fighting so hard to live. From the first doctors appointment, she was not supposed to make it...but she did.
So, after a ton of research, I found an agency in a town near me that seemed to be good. (Bethany Christian Services). I talked to our birth mother coordinator, L, several times on the phone and then set up an appointment. E and I went to meet with L and we thought it would be a good service to go through. All of their perspective parents were pre-screened, christen and financially able to handle a baby.
E and I took home about 12 profiles. I didn't look through them until the weekend, when one of my best friend, Heidi, who was supporting me through the entire pregnancy came over to visit with me. Her and I were looking through the profiles, I kept setting one aside. I read through it...but I just didn't know. I showed it to Heidi, she agreed it was good but we should look through them all. After every profile that I read through, I would pick up the one I had set aside. I was just so drawn to this profile.
I showed it to E and he agreed that we should call the agency and get the phone number of the prospective parents. So the next day I did.
What grabbed me in the profile was that they had lost twin girls five months into their pregnancy and they wanted to give them a "sibling". They weren't trying to replace what they lost, they were just trying to build or re-build their family. They had pictures of their cats (one cat had her paws in men's shoes...it was hysterical), of their family, of their home and of their church.
I basically only had two criteria when I was looking through the couples: They couldn't have any other children (adopted or natural) and they had to be Lutheran.
I believe it was July 1st that was the fateful day. I called L and told her that I was interested in B & J. She said that they were wonderful people and that I would like them. I got the number and called. The outgoing message was in Spanish. I hung up and redialed, thinking that I misdialed, nope I got the same thing. So, I called back L and asked her to check the number. She said it was correct, that B had a sense of humor. So, I called again and left a message. I left my work number because I wanted to hear from them right away.
J called me back about 2 hours after I had called and left a message on their machine. We talked for about a half hour and it just felt so right, so easy. I loved her the second we spoke and hung up with an awesome feeling. We set an appointment for later that week to meet at the agency.
E and I were so nervous. When we got to the agency, they were there already but we waited for them to go in ahead of us. When we walked in, we were officially introduced and everyone exchanged hugs and handshakes. We thought the whole purpose of having the first meeting at the agency was so that L could make us feel more comfortable. That wasn't the case at all. The first half hour was very uncomfortable, but then we started to play a game and we all relaxed. We were there for over 2 hours.
L wanted to wrap the meeting up, so I looked J in the eyes and said "if you want my child, she is yours." I just knew that they were the ones that were sent to me to raise her.
B and I have much of the same personality and sense of humor. We get along very well and are very close. They were always wary that there was always that "chance" that we could change our minds. But I had made them a promise and I could never do that to anyone that I loved. I truly fell in love with these people and their families.
So, that is how Baby M came to find her wonderful parents. Even though they let her watch March of the Penguins. I will find a way to forgive them.
There are so many stories to share...but I will do that separately so that it is easier reading. I really enjoyed remembering this story.