Originally posted April 21, 2006:
I was reading a blog today that really shocked me. It literally left my jaw hanging open.
The blog is about a couple that are trying to adopt. Their point of views and perceptions just STUN me, being a birthmother (as I am walking in these shoes). They don't want to meet the birthmother (other than possibly once), they want a semi-open adoption (which I can appreciate and thought was going to happen in my situation, but situations change...be ready for anything) and only minimal contact with the birthmother after the baby is born.
I sat reading her blog, shaking my head....appalled at her thinking, at the way she thinks some woman is going to just hand her her child and walk away. SERIOUSLY? It just STUNS me that it seems that she doesn't care about the birthmother. What does she think that all these woman are crack-whores who could careless? I am sure there those type of woman giving up their babies, but I am betting the majority are scared kids or woman that have had an accident and are making the most loving choice possible.
Well - Hello, I am Beth. (no, crack-whore here. Crack-head, yes (not literally) When I gave my daughter up for adoption, I was 29 years old. I am white, work full time and was MARRIED. I have never done drugs or drank excessively (didn't drink at all during the pregnancy) and had all of my pre-natal care. I gave my daughter up because my husband was cheating and we were heading for divorce. We both sat down and discussed our options...for us (after 6 miscarriages) the time was not right for us to have a child together nor could we terminate. So we choose to find the right parents for our child.
If B & J would have told me that they never wanted to meet me and only wanted to come to the hospital to get my child, I would have LAUGHED in their faces. However, I am extremely blessed because B & J are the most incredible, sensitive people I have ever met in my life and I am truly blessed to have them on this journey with me. Thank you, Lord.
I became family to B & J. J came to every single of my pre-natal appointments, we talked on the phone, went to dinner and I went over to their house. They were PROUD to show me where they lived, they WANTED me to know their life style, not HIDE it from me.
Adoption is not something to be ashamed of. Not something to hide from your child, if you do, she will resent you. I am in Baby M's baby book and to see how much B & J included me....just made my heart soar FOR Baby M. They will protect her with their lives, but she will know where she came from, but will not be outcaste.
I am truly stunned that this woman was appalled to tell prospective birthmothers about her life and where she lived. This woman is giving you HER CHILD...LET HER IN!!!!!!!
Okay...I am done. I think. There may be more. I am very very stunned that someone would want to go just rip a baby from a mother and never look back. Ooh, one last thing...remember that the birthmother is interviewing YOU...NOT the other way around. SHE CHOOSES, not you!