What am I missing?

Originally posted May 11, 2006:


(another adoption rant, hold on to your horses)

Heres what I don't understand....why are woman that are trying to adopt courageous? What are they being courageous about??? What are THEY going through? The pain of waiting? The pain of infertility? I'm sorry but what another person is about do for your (selflessly) is courageous. It is not courageous that you are willing to pay thousands of dollars...it doesn't make you a better person than the birthmother. (B and J...this does NOT apply to you...this applies to that blog I sent you)

I am reading this one site about a couple going through an adoption journey and it sickens me. There is all this talk there about how wonderful and courageous they are and how they are doing such a wonderful thing by RESCUING a child. I'm sorry my baby didn't need RESCUING! I choose to give her up...she didn't get taken from me, there was never even the threat of that.

This person wont even LISTEN to reason...she is preparing for "her" baby before she is even matched!!!! That's just INSANE!!!! Are you trying to set yourself up for disappointment? That's just sounds selfish and wrong to me. I posted on her blog and sent her an email...she deleted it and sent me an email saying that my posts/emails are angry and confrontational and she doesn't want to communicate with me anymore. Well, that's just fine....but WHY don't you want to learn? Why don't you want to be educated? Why do you just want to live in your bubble?

I know that some women out there may have been forced into giving their children up for adoption, but I wasn't. I MADE THE CHOICE and I stand by my choice. But I am sick of all these negative websites I keep finding out there about how bad adoption is, for me it isn't. (Yet...I understand for some it may have been).

I also am starting to realize the pain and the first pains of regret have settled deep into my chest. I wonder what I am going to say to my daughter some day. I wonder what she is going to think of me. I wonder if she is going to be angry.

I know B and J will tell her the truth and will guide her each step of the way (and when I speak of selfish women wanting to adopt, J is NOT in that category...I understand her and I understand our unique situation), so I am hoping that she will not harbor too much angst or resentment for me.

Angry Beth should just go find some chocolate and hide. It took a while, but I am finally having emotions regarding Baby M.